Could Be Worse


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How lucky can one man get? I ask myself this occasionally, when I’m not actively focused on what I lack. How much time do I have left? There’s no way to know that, so I might as well act as if time were running out and I’d better hurry.

These are the ways I drive myself crazy. These questions and compulsions come from inside me, not from outside. The world isn’t insane, I am.

If you hang around people who seem content, either they really are or they’re hiding their inner turmoil. Maybe serial killers seem to have the Buddha nature. At least we’re sure they have the ability to create a plan of action and follow-through. Those are qualities I sorely lack.

And then there is the issue of codependency. I’m always worried what other people think of me, how they feel at this moment, and those worries preclude any chance I could champion my own interests. Again, serial killers suffer from none of that. They don’t care what their victims think or feel.

But I am lucky not to have been born a serial killer, nor to have become one along the bumpy road of life. Yes, things could be worse, much worse. For this I am grateful.

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2 thoughts on “Could Be Worse

  1. Sounds as if you are watching “Mindhunter”!on Netflix….? The writing is really good and the production style as good Madmen.
    Yes, there but for the grace of God, eh? My personal observation is that only the enlightened can hope to have free will.
    I mostly enjoy my turmoil. I feel the need for a little more of it at times, but I’m certain that upheaval will be soon enough. Be well, my Missouri Friend.

  2. I love you brother. I have many of the same thoughts. And I guess now that you mention it, not being a serial killer is one of the things I am truly grateful for …
    Peace on your way today my friend.

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